POZ purred when MTV Networks announced that LOGO, an all-gay channel, would debut in February. But we snarled upon learning that HIV plots may be a LOGO no-go. Why? MTV’s mum, but with a schedule like the one we dreamed up, who says HIV isn’t ready for prime time?

Queer Eye for the Salvage Guy  The Fab Five mousse and spruce HIVers on long-term meds, pulling out the Prada to help camouflage those buffalo humps and bulging veins.

Peer Factor HIV peer counselors from rival ASOs compete to perform grisly feats. Tonight’s test: Who can listen to abstinence-only HIV ed the longest without puking?

Unsafe Sex and the City Four Sapphic sisters toss back cosmos and dish about their dental-dam–less liaisons (“Lesbians don’t get HIV!” they say laughing).

Pills & Grace WASPy gay attorney contracts HIV upon transition to cable after practicing strict abstinence on network TV for seven years.

Desperate House Calls Suburban viral vixens tempt doctorly ethos by doing anything—anything!—for medical marijuana prescriptions.

Boy Meets Virus A wide-eyed neggie bug chaser wends his way through a delirium of dating madness with a hot lineup of www.barebackcity.com bachelors.

Trading Faces Perky Paige Davis and a team of cosmetic surgeons replump one HIVer’s Zerit cheeks, then slap him with the bill when his HMO won’t cover the cost.

Everybody Loves Reyataz In a close-knit Italian household, a pushy momma urges her HIVer son to switch to a cholesterol-lowering HIV med to offset her high-fat home cooking.

The O.C. on the D.L. Ryan and Marisa’s love faces its biggest challenge yet when Ryan appears on Oprah and comes out as a homothug.

America’s Next Top Drug-Ad Model Twenty lipo-free HIVers climb mountains, start their own businesses and pose alongside Magic Johnson to become the 2005 face of Epzicom.